Whenever we hear long-term relationships or marriages end around us, the loudest exclamation we will hear is, “What a waste of n years on this person!”
But why?
Is the success of a relationship or marriage solely based on the longevity of it, and if you end up dying in old age together? What about other aspects of it when you were together-if it brought you immense joy, happiness, peace, comfort, friendship, support, and wonderful memories? Taking toxic or abusive relationships out of the equation here, if a couple had a good run… and things ended because their paths started to move in a different direction, or one of them has lost feelings and was honest / upfront about it instead of dragging it on, or it was a mutual decision… and everything ended as amicably as possible, even though there will always be some pain for either or both parties… then what and where is the waste in that? It was a successful relationship, albeit ending when it was time to end. No?
They did not grow old together, yes, but they had the best run of 5 or 10 or 15 years of partnership and good times! The most exasperating thing is, people almost always only slap this “waste of time” exclamation onto women — because they have lost their “precious youth”, and now that they are older, they are less “valuable” and it is harder for them to find a new partner.
This learned misogyny has to stop somewhere. And women have to stop perpetuating that onto other women as well, for goodness’ sake!
Stop pegging a woman’s value to whether she can successfully marry a man after a long-term relationship. Or if she becomes a biological mother. Or if she forms a family. Whether a woman decides to marry in her lifetime, does not negate her value as a human being. We can choose to date for 20–30 years and still not marry the man and that is perfectly fine. We are still valuable members of the society, of this world.
Why is it so frowned upon for a couple to date for years, with no plans for marriage? We hear things like, “Oh if he doesn’t propose by the second or third year, he will never marry you. Leave him!”
The absurdity of this ingrained misogynistic point of view grates on my nerves to no end.
- Marriage is not the end goal for everyone — and whether someone is married or not by a certain age, does not imply anything about their value
- Longevity is not the only or main measurement of success in relationships or marriages — some people can be together for 50–60 years and be miserable the entire time, whereas, some people can have the best relationship for 2–5 years and decide to go separate ways for whatever reasons, and that would be their most successful relationship for the rest of their lives.
- A woman’s value should not be pegged to her relationship or marriage status. She’s valuable just by herself, a single entity. An individual. A human. A ring, or a cert, or a man who wants to commit to her are just extra extensions to her person — not add-ons to her value.
We as a society need to progress and stop perpetuating outdated mindsets that belittle women’s worth for silly social constructs.
Originally published at https://kopioxiudai.substack.com on November 23, 2022.
