Ever see a couple and from what is observable, you think to yourself, “why?” This was best illustrated in the past two weeks when gossip news outlets reported that Timothée Chalamet is allegedly dating Kylie Jenner. Everyone’s first reaction was “how” and “why”, because most people had the impression that he was “cooler” than that. That this is him dating “down”.
Putting aside everyone’s naïve belief that what we see is what we get when it comes to celebrities, there were also some wiser people who brought up a good point — who we date defines and shows everyone who we are. Celebrity or not.
There are layers to a person that would not be immediately observable, or may be well hidden through conscious effort on their part. Perhaps we need to accept and understand that if someone were to have a partner who is known to be a certain way, then perhaps said person may very well be the same too. Birds of a feather and all that. So sometimes when you see a mean person outside, their partner may tend to behave the same too.
Besides this, sometimes it also reflects a person’s sense of self worth. For example, a woman being with an abusive partner. In this case, it’s not her having the same abusive, narcissistic qualities as him, but rather, her not seeing the red flags or not having sufficient self love to leave. Or being with someone who plays their part so well, you do not have the opportunities to see the other sides to them at all (especially if you were not friends for a long time beforehand). Thus, you only see the partner role they are playing in front of you, but not in their other roles — where they may be displaying their authentic shitty self in full glory.
But this group is not the one we are focusing on here today. We are looking at the former, the couples who may not at first glance seem the same, but are actually at exactly the same level as each other. Someone may present and package him or herself to be a person with good upbringing, awesome fashion sense, well-read, and articulate. That is what most people would observe at the surface. Unless we get to interact with said person for an extended period of time, or befriend them and earn their trust, we may never see their actual selves. Therefore, if we see that they are always dating “down”, being with people who might be shallow, narrow-minded or unfriendly, then it may very well be a glimpse into who that person actually is under the layers and layers of branding they did for themselves.
It can be a tell for most cases. Just like how our close friends reflect who we are, it is exactly the same in the partners we choose too.
If their close friends display certain characteristics you find to be problematic, chances are, they may be the same — just hidden from you. :) Perhaps there will be exceptions, but if the exception’s ratio is a 1 in 10, I would rather not take my chances and risk finding out years later that they are NOT the exception.
There’s a quote that sums this up the best,
“You are the sum of the company you keep.”
