I was drafting a post comparing how I was treated by two people and came to realise the writing was focusing too much on the past again. This is something I had decided not to do anymore (post: Pivotal). So I backspaced the paragraphs and restarted.
This was once again, inspired by something I saw online-regarding how we know deep down if someone is treating us right by whether we are willing to share with our mothers / parents or friends about that person. Whether we smile or cry when we think about them.
That hit close to home because I was unwilling, and still is up to this day, to talk much about what went on with the previous situation. Because I know, I KNOW, that I will get the following reactions-pity, sadness, and anger. I know what went on was bad, on hindsight. The rose-tinted glasses had already been smashed to smithereens.
The funny, and sad, thing is… I thought it was the best I’ve ever had. I genuinely thought that was the best I will ever get in this lifetime. That it was true love (cue: studio laughter).
That’s the thing about us humans, isn’t it? When we are in the situation, our perspective becomes so narrow and skewed we cannot see it any other way. Especially when we do not seek alternate perspectives. And you know who will never seek alternate perspectives? People in bad situations thinking it is love.
To avoid dwelling on the past a little too much, I will not go into details, neither does it deserve more “airtime” in my mind.
What I wanted to share is how I have come to realise that the bar was so low for myself it was practically in hell.
Someone has, in actions and words, showed me that my body can be celebrated and appreciated, regardless of. And the previous situation was in fact, FAR from being the best I have ever had ( lol). Friends have showed me that my time and person is valued and cherished, in spite of. And I am worthy of so much more than I gave myself credit for.
It took me close to two years of proactively switching the words I use on myself on a daily basis, especially in front of the mirror, to get to where I am today-proud of myself. The words that were used on me, and had insidiously manifested in the past when I looked at myself in the mirror, had to be banished and replaced with kindness.
Now that I am capable of giving myself so much kindness, patience and love, on top of what my loved ones and friends have been showing me as well, the bar has risen to a level that I know will be hard to match. And I’m all for it.
We should never settle for anything less than what we deserve in life because we only have this life (even with reincarnation, it’s not even a continuation of this life anyway).
To better days ahead! :)
Originally published at https://kopioxiudai.substack.com on November 20, 2022.
