Taxi light

xiu
4 min readSep 3, 2023

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There’s a theory going around that men settle down with whoever boards when their “taxi light” is turned on — a metaphor for when they think it’s time to settle. That’s why there are many times when girls or women are baffled when the person they’ve been with for years leaves them and suddenly gets married in a short amount of time.

Source: https://pin.it/3wI1ZTF

The immediate assumption would be that they lacked something, or weren’t good enough for the guy to settle down with. But the argument is, the light wasn’t turned on when they were with them. Or that they were too independent or strong, that they didn’t fulfil the need of the men to have a “mother” figure for their future home and their imaginary kids.

The theory suggests that guys who have the goal of, “I want to be married and have kids by a certain age”, don’t care who they do it with as long as they like them enough, and the woman loves them more. They will marry her to meet their ultimate life goal or milestone — that is to become a father.

To many, this is just practical, part and parcel of life. Milestone to be met at a certain age based on societal expectations. But I believe to a lot of women, this is just sad. Imagine being married to a man you thought loved you enough to want to marry you and spend their life with you, but no. It wasn’t love that compelled them to marry, it was to meet a goal they have set for themselves. A societal achievement. Probably also to just have a “mother" to help take care of their needs and the household, so they don’t ever have to transition out of their parents’ home and end up having to take care of everything by themselves.

I once asked someone who has that goal (marry and become a father) if he would marry a person he didn’t love as much as the last girl he loved. Because he told me she was the one who “got away” (technically, he was the one who pushed her away); the one he loves/loved the most. He said yes — even if he didn’t love the future wife as much or loses his love for her along the way, he will still stick by the marriage because it’s a commitment. Even without love. And he will put up the best act of his life to keep the relationship going. I believe he could, because I experienced first-hand just how good he was at acting. If he didn’t want to reveal his true feelings, nobody in this world would ever know.

Perhaps there’s no right or wrong in this. But the romantic in me (haha!) felt so sad for his future spouse. Because she will never know if he truly loved her or is putting up an act to keep the relationship going for the sake of the goal he has for himself — to be married and have kids / become a father.

If it was me, I’d rather not be in such a marriage. I want to be loved genuinely for me as a person, and not waste a lifetime with a man who only wanted or needed me to fulfil a societal milestone for him.

It’s just so… sad?

This also led me to think about the other topic of why people want children, and the general lack of consideration and thought put into this decision for most people. It is such a big commitment, and a permanent tie with someone, that I feel that perhaps society needs to start questioning why a lot more and deeper. It is not a natural milestone we must achieve if we are not ready. A lot of people say those who chose to be childless are selfish, but personally, I think a lack of careful consideration before bringing a child into this world is selfish. Because did most people consider the following:

  1. Are they emotionally, mentally and financially capable of providing a safe, secure and healthy environment for the child?
  2. Have they thought about why they want a child? Is it because it is expected of them? It’s a life goal? What reason exactly?
  3. For men, what does becoming a father mean? What does ensuring a legacy mean? What legacy? How important do you think YOUR bloodline is to this world? What does it all mean at the end of the day?
  4. For men, do you know the potential complications, health risks, and the difficulties women face when they get pregnant? How does that make you feel when your partner will have to endure 9 months of struggles?
  5. Are you having a child for retirement plans? Read that carefully. Is your child a retirement plan or a person you decided to bring into this world to love and bring up to be a good person for the society?

There are so many questions that we need to think about BEFORE we bring a new life into this messed up world, no?

So when people marry for the sake of clocking an achievement or a status, and to become a parent. What does it all mean? Think about it.

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xiu
xiu

Written by xiu

letters to the past and the future

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