Maintaining a sense of self in your relationship(s)

Had to share these tweets, because WORD.

I have to admit I used to be like that when I was younger. That one person being my everything. Consumed with love for them. These few years as I gained certain clarity, I started to feel grateful for the lessons dished out onto me by people I’ve loved, or by the Universe.

Made me realise it’s not about having another half, it’s really about finding another whole person. Two whole persons, completely happy on their own, finding companionship with each other. Adding to their own personal happiness.

This leads to the next point which @queersextherapy was sharing on TikTok, on whether we are spending “too much” or “not enough” time together as a couple. She suggested a way to check ourselves, which is to ask: “What is the default when it comes to our free time?”

Between the couple, is the assumption that

1. all of each other’s free time belongs to each other, and if either one wants to do something else, they have got to ask or inform the other person first? or…
2. all of each other’s free time belongs to oneself and if either or both want(s) to give time to each other, they will inform and plan it?

She went on to explain that if we default free time as belonging to oneself, then the time we end up giving to our partners are more of “quality time” and not quantity-based. Which I totally agree.

Personally, I also feel like default #1 is toeing on the line of unhealthy boundaries. Even couples need to set boundaries as individuals. But of course, to each his/her/their own.