There is this video that I am unable to share, because the creator turned off sharing mode; so here I am trying to put it down in writing instead, together with my thoughts. As usual. :)
The topic was, obviously, as the title shows about “lovey dovey guys”. Like her, I always thought there were two types of men who are either lovey dovey or not when they become someone’s partner. There are the stoic ones, the chauvinistic ones, the misogynistic ones, or the ones who just aren’t good at expressing the softer side of them (i.e. due to their upbringing and etc, not because they are unfeeling). These are the non-lovey dovey type. Then there’s the other type of men who are openly lovey dovey to their partners — sweet, loving, tender, romantic and all that. These are the ones the creator and myself find to be the rarer kind in the men we have met or fell for.
She said her past exes were all the non-lovey dovey types, and she was hurt by them in the end. There was once she even tried to “train” one of them. That did not end well and she did not enjoy that relationship. Then she gave examples of her current boyfriend’s sweet actions — she has a plushie she’s had for years, which she sleeps with every night. He acknowledges that plushie, and they even got one during a date at a fair. And they sleep together in one bed, with both plushies “as a family”. When she was flying to another state for I presume work, he secretly stuffed one of the two plushies into her bag so when she’s homesick, she has that plushie with her. He facetimes her during lunch, with the plushie that is at home. When I heard her share all that, I felt so happy for her to have found a guy like that. She ended the video saying that guys like that do exist, and that one day maybe the viewers (me being one of them), will end up with one just like that.
I have a lot of plushies too; even at my age I am still getting more whenever I travel or sees a cute one that I cannot resist. To me, a guy’s reaction to my plushies is an indicator to how lovey dovey he can be. Does he judge me for having them? Does he acknowledge them? Does he hold them in disgust or lovingly because they mean a lot to me.
Other people probably have other ways of “measuring” what it means to be lovey dovey. But for me, when I see a guy hugging my plushies and asking me about each of them, it melts my damaged and cynical heart. On the other hand, if a guy is too “manly” to touch them, then it’s a red flag for me.
To be honest, it isn’t really about the plushies themselves, isn’t it? It’s about his affection for me — does it extend to beyond me and to things I adore and love? Is he also comfortable enough with himself to know being gentle with plushies does not make him any less of a man? And any man that displays that much affection for me and things I cherish, and is that comfortable being silly and affectionate to me and my plushies, is always going to be so much more attractive than an uptight “manly” guy who wants nothing to do with my toys.
A long time ago, I told someone that my exes were never really romantics at heart. I did not get wooed with sweet gestures, nobody travelled far to surprise me at my home (I used to live in the West, like WEST WEST, so I was always far from everyone), there was no surprise gifts (inexpensive ones like toys or accessories), there was no care packs for when I am sick, and it goes on. That person was surprised. And he told me to stick around and he will show me what it means to have those sweet gestures shown to me. He did show me for a short while, and then ended up breaking my heart with finality in the end too. Now that I look back, he wasn’t particularly sweet to my plushies, even though he got one for me as a surprise gift during that short amount of time he was still invested in what we shared. He didn’t understand my personification of my plushies (yes, I name them), and why I was always making him hug one. Perhaps I should have known back then? Haha.
Anyway, I do agree with the creator — that men who are lovey dovey do exist. Because I have met one in a friend. He showed me the standards. THE standards I need to have moving forward. Nothing less. And I am so grateful for that.
p.s.: The post above is in the context of partners only, except the last paragraph. Because I have had / have sweet platonic friends, and close friends (there is a difference for me due to certain reasons hehe). If platonic friends / close friends can show me that much affection, without an expectation of being anything more or romantic, then it is even more apparent for me that my standards aren’t unreasonable. :)
